wow, it's been a while

[earlymorningechoes]

Hello friends! I keep intending to spend more time here and accidentally spending more time on twitter instead, which is frustrating on so many levels. I've been lurking a bit, but there's also just been a Whole Lot of life events. So I thought I'd do a quick listing of everything that's been happening, partly for myself and partly if anyone else wants to know where the heck I've been.

So. Many, many things happening in my life.

• Potentially new diagnosis from my therapist. I've been officially diagnosed with anxiety NOS and panic disorder without agoraphobia since I was twenty, but I've always felt a little like that wasn't the whole story. I've been doing a lot of research since then about am I autistic, am I ADHD, etc, and always felt like I was close but not quite right. But I ended up talking to my psychiatrist and therapist about obsessive thoughts that wouldn't leave me alone (sometimes as innocuous as a song stuck in my head, but to the point where it Would Not Leave Me Alone), and then to a friend who has OCD. And it seems like that might be a more accurate diagnosis for me. But now as I type this all out, that feels like yet another lie, that I just want to sound more interesting or have an excuse for all my failures. I'm trying to be better about living first and labels later, but it's very hard for me.
• New meds, to go with the new diagnosis. Just added a new one on top of the old, didn't change anything else. But it kind of feels like it's been making things a little easier, especially executive-function-wise. I'm on a really low dose, because I'm pretty sensitive to meds, and it's only been three weeks. But the few side effects that I had been having seem to be clearing up, which is awesome (one of them was a worsening of a weird hearing thing I have, that I think might be tinnitus-related, and having that clear up again is Amazing).
• Slowly starting to get into going to the fitness center in my building to use the stationary bike, which my physical therapist has been on my case about. I hate exercising, I am a stereotypical overweight nerd with cokebottle glasses, but lack of exercise and sitting weird due to being short and neurodivergent has led to some issues. So hopefully I'll keep getting myself to do those things like I'm supposed to.
• Got a Switch for my birthday, from my girlfriend's family! I was absolutely not at all expecting that, but it's been really fun. My mom got me Let's Go Eevee for Christmas, and even though I've never been into Pokemon, I'm really enjoying it. I love Nidorina a whole lot more than I was expecting!
• And what feels like the biggest change to me, because it's been more self-directed than the others - I started the process of converting to Judaism! I've been interested in Judaism for as long as I can remember, but I have some really crappy baggage with evangelical Christianity, and it's been keeping me from feeling like I could be actively involved in a religion. But that's started to feel less hard to deal with, and we'll see where this goes.

Lots of things! And that was only the big ones, there's also been plenty of normal work shenanigans and other such things.

So hi! I know the beginning of the year's been crappy and ridiculous the world over, but I hope things are starting to ease up for people <3

Comments

[chocochipbiscuit]

Holy cow, that's a lot of stuff, no wonder you're busy! Glad it sounds mostly positive! :D

Also, I hear you on the lurking. I'm a habitual lurker on most platforms.