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Hi there! I'm Cath (or echoes). I'm in my 30s, use she/her pronouns, and live on the West Coast of the US. I'm Jewish, white, queer, hovering somewhere between abled and disabled physically, and neurodivergent. Relatedly, I sometimes have trouble making sure the words I use actually mean what I'm trying to say. If you're confused about something I've said or think I might be trying to say something else, please ask!
I work for a university library (I'm not a librarian, I'm library staff) and I love it, though it does have its challenges. I also teach Hebrew school (first grade Judaic studies, fifth grade beginning Hebrew). Work stuff may come up here from time to time, but hopefully not in a bad way.
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I've missed a few weeks, whoops! But we're here, it's still Monday in my time zone, let's get back on track.
In the tradition of "what are you reading/playing/watching Wednesday," I thought it would be fun to try a "make your mark Monday" post. This is where you can talk about anything you're "making" - crafts, art, writing, cooking/baking, sand castles, etc! Feel free to talk about:
Writing-wise, I have made very little progress. I have a number of ideas, but none of them are really getting onto paper/screen. Which is unfortunate, given that I have an exchange fic due in four days. This kind of procrastination is actually not super usual for me, and I'm a little freaked out, but I'll be okay. And I can get an extension if I need it.
But one of the ideas that did make it a little bit onto paper is told from the perspective of a beloved, lost, childhood stuffed animal, and I'm really enjoying the opportunity to play with that, even if I haven't written much of it. Poking it around in my head is still fun.
Knitting-wise, the socks for my partner remain at one sock. But I finished an adaptive mitten for their dad! Or well, mostly finished, gotta weave in those ends. And I'm about halfway done with the second mitten, so he'll have them before it's too warm to need them (and he's cold always anyways, so good to have them regardless).
What are you making?
In the tradition of "what are you reading/playing/watching Wednesday," I thought it would be fun to try a "make your mark Monday" post. This is where you can talk about anything you're "making" - crafts, art, writing, cooking/baking, sand castles, etc! Feel free to talk about:
- Projects you're working on, stuck on, just finished, excited about
- Materials you want or need or want to get rid of
- Communities you're enjoying, whether online or offline
- Questions you have
- Whatever else fits under "making" for you!
Writing-wise, I have made very little progress. I have a number of ideas, but none of them are really getting onto paper/screen. Which is unfortunate, given that I have an exchange fic due in four days. This kind of procrastination is actually not super usual for me, and I'm a little freaked out, but I'll be okay. And I can get an extension if I need it.
But one of the ideas that did make it a little bit onto paper is told from the perspective of a beloved, lost, childhood stuffed animal, and I'm really enjoying the opportunity to play with that, even if I haven't written much of it. Poking it around in my head is still fun.
Knitting-wise, the socks for my partner remain at one sock. But I finished an adaptive mitten for their dad! Or well, mostly finished, gotta weave in those ends. And I'm about halfway done with the second mitten, so he'll have them before it's too warm to need them (and he's cold always anyways, so good to have them regardless).
What are you making?
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I'm currently poking at some Dragon Age: The Veilguard fic ideas, and because my favorite DATV character uses a prosthetic leg, I've been doing some research into what living with and using a prosthetic is like, so that I have some idea of how to write this sensitively. It's given me some fun ideas about how prosthetics might work in a medieval fantasy world that does have magic to change things up, and I'm excited to explore those and hopefully do so in a respectful way.
Previously I've done research on things like cake recipes in the 1920s, how long it would've taken to fly from Melbourne to London in 1929 (a long time - but there were in fact passenger routes along some of that distance by that time already, switching off between planes and trains!), and, of course, as most fic writers have, the actual impact of getting knocked on the head hard enough to black out.
What niche things have you researched for fic (or original!) writing purposes? What's your favorite thing you've researched or your favorite tidbit you found out from that research?
Previously I've done research on things like cake recipes in the 1920s, how long it would've taken to fly from Melbourne to London in 1929 (a long time - but there were in fact passenger routes along some of that distance by that time already, switching off between planes and trains!), and, of course, as most fic writers have, the actual impact of getting knocked on the head hard enough to black out.
What niche things have you researched for fic (or original!) writing purposes? What's your favorite thing you've researched or your favorite tidbit you found out from that research?
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In the tradition of "what are you reading/playing/watching Wednesday," I thought it would be fun to try a "make your mark Monday" post. This is where you can talk about anything you're "making" - crafts, art, writing, cooking/baking, sand castles, etc! Feel free to talk about:
Because I live in the LA area, last week was absolutely crazy. I'm fine, it's just nerve-wracking. I haven't really made anything new, but I've got a lot of ideas percolating around!
For writing: I've got an idea I really like for the Rare Femslash Exchange, now I just need to sit down and write it. Otherwise, I've been doing some research into life as an amputee because I'd like to write some Neve-centric fic for Dragon Age: The Veilguard, and I'd really like it to be sensitive, and this is an area I have next to no knowledge about. So I've been watching youtube videos, and if anyone has recs of other good places to find real, lived info, let me know!
For knitting: nothing really happening, my hands have been annoyed about working with DPNs for some reason and all my current projects are DPN-y. But I'm not bothered because, as mentioned, Crazy Week Of Crazy.
What are you making?
- Projects you're working on, stuck on, just finished, excited about
- Materials you want or need or want to get rid of
- Communities you're enjoying, whether online or offline
- Questions you have
- Whatever else fits under "making" for you!
Because I live in the LA area, last week was absolutely crazy. I'm fine, it's just nerve-wracking. I haven't really made anything new, but I've got a lot of ideas percolating around!
For writing: I've got an idea I really like for the Rare Femslash Exchange, now I just need to sit down and write it. Otherwise, I've been doing some research into life as an amputee because I'd like to write some Neve-centric fic for Dragon Age: The Veilguard, and I'd really like it to be sensitive, and this is an area I have next to no knowledge about. So I've been watching youtube videos, and if anyone has recs of other good places to find real, lived info, let me know!
For knitting: nothing really happening, my hands have been annoyed about working with DPNs for some reason and all my current projects are DPN-y. But I'm not bothered because, as mentioned, Crazy Week Of Crazy.
What are you making?
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I've been reading various books in the Nine Worlds series by Victoria Goddard, so far all in the Lays of the Hearth-Fire and Red Company Reformed sub-series, and they are fantastic. The story is so good, and the writing is so artful, and the world is so fascinating! And as I've been reading, it's been inspiring me so much to think about my own original fantasy worldbuilding in a way I haven't in a really long time.
That's such a cool thing about fantasy, isn't it? Obviously creativity (of any sort) takes inspiration from all around us. I've named a character after a street sign before. But this series specifically seems to have absolutely hit me in this particular worldbuilding spot, and I think that's a thing that some fantasy series do very well. They give you just enough information about how this world is different from the real one, and that gives you enough room to build up within that fandom AND for your own potential new worlds.
So the thought process goes something like: There's a place in the Nine Worlds that refers to itself as the home of music, which is such a beautiful idea! Do I also have a home of music? Or a home of language? Especially since language is a big deal in my fantasy world because magic is conceived of as being someone's "native language." Oooh and sometimes music can be linguistic and is often communicative - does my world have a culture that conflates magic and music? And so on and so forth! It just keeps snowballing with new ideas.
(Also the world of the Nine Worlds is surprisingly reminiscent of Emelan, which will always be a series of my heart, so that absolutely endeared me to it!)
All this has given me more ideas for my fantasy world where there's fantasy Jews who have a kabbalistic-style goddess with aspects of the seasons, a polytheistic culture has a triune of three queens that reflect their three goddesses, and another has a statue as its ruler and the actual ruler is conceived of as being the voice of the statue.
Fantasy! Worldbuilding! Joy! Reading! AHHH!
That's such a cool thing about fantasy, isn't it? Obviously creativity (of any sort) takes inspiration from all around us. I've named a character after a street sign before. But this series specifically seems to have absolutely hit me in this particular worldbuilding spot, and I think that's a thing that some fantasy series do very well. They give you just enough information about how this world is different from the real one, and that gives you enough room to build up within that fandom AND for your own potential new worlds.
So the thought process goes something like: There's a place in the Nine Worlds that refers to itself as the home of music, which is such a beautiful idea! Do I also have a home of music? Or a home of language? Especially since language is a big deal in my fantasy world because magic is conceived of as being someone's "native language." Oooh and sometimes music can be linguistic and is often communicative - does my world have a culture that conflates magic and music? And so on and so forth! It just keeps snowballing with new ideas.
(Also the world of the Nine Worlds is surprisingly reminiscent of Emelan, which will always be a series of my heart, so that absolutely endeared me to it!)
All this has given me more ideas for my fantasy world where there's fantasy Jews who have a kabbalistic-style goddess with aspects of the seasons, a polytheistic culture has a triune of three queens that reflect their three goddesses, and another has a statue as its ruler and the actual ruler is conceived of as being the voice of the statue.
Fantasy! Worldbuilding! Joy! Reading! AHHH!
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I know I say every other year or so "oh I totally want to get back into DW" and then don't do it. But hey, one can never get there without continuing to start again.
So in the tradition of "what are you reading/playing/watching Wednesday," I thought it would be fun to try a "make your mark Monday" post. This is where you can talk about anything you're "making" - crafts, art, writing, cooking/baking, sand castles, etc! Feel free to talk about:
Right now I am, as always, trying to get back into writing, and working on a few knitting projects.
For writing: I signed up for the Rare Femslash Exchange, and I'm excited about the matchup I got! So hopefully that'll spark some joy and inspiration. I also want to write something for Dragon Age: The Veilguard and for the Nine Worlds series by Victoria Goddard, which I w recently fallen in love with.
For knitting: I'm chugging away and Hanukkah/Christmas gifts for two cousins that I'm clearly behind on, socks for my partner, and just started some adaptive mittens for my father-in-law. I wish I'd brought the mittens to work with me today, but you win some you lose some.
What are you making?
So in the tradition of "what are you reading/playing/watching Wednesday," I thought it would be fun to try a "make your mark Monday" post. This is where you can talk about anything you're "making" - crafts, art, writing, cooking/baking, sand castles, etc! Feel free to talk about:
- Projects you're working on, stuck on, just finished, excited about
- Materials you want or need or want to get rid of
- Communities you're enjoying, whether online or offline
- Questions you have
- Whatever else fits under "making" for you!
Right now I am, as always, trying to get back into writing, and working on a few knitting projects.
For writing: I signed up for the Rare Femslash Exchange, and I'm excited about the matchup I got! So hopefully that'll spark some joy and inspiration. I also want to write something for Dragon Age: The Veilguard and for the Nine Worlds series by Victoria Goddard, which I w recently fallen in love with.
For knitting: I'm chugging away and Hanukkah/Christmas gifts for two cousins that I'm clearly behind on, socks for my partner, and just started some adaptive mittens for my father-in-law. I wish I'd brought the mittens to work with me today, but you win some you lose some.
What are you making?
Tags:
I have historically had a lot of trouble setting goals for myself - we always had to set them in school, as part of the "seven habits of highly effective teens" program and stuff they were trying to get us to do, but I never really put much thought into mine or set things I actually had to work for or try. But I do have things I want to work on this year, and ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lassarina's goal posts always really inspire me, so I'm going to attempt! A little!
The second Shabbat of the secular new year seems like a good time to do this, I guess?
Some of these are more amorphous than others, but I think I need that right now - I need to remember both that it's good to have specific, trackable goals, and that it's okay to have a vague idea I want to work towards. To those ends:
That...looks and feels like a lot, but I've already started on a lot of it! Basically everything that's listed for January is something I've already done before, have already started, or am confident in my ability to do (but not to the point that it's not something that'll challenge me).
Here I come, 2023!
lassarina's goal posts always really inspire me, so I'm going to attempt! A little!The second Shabbat of the secular new year seems like a good time to do this, I guess?
Annual Goals
Writing
- Write on 156 days of the year. My official
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
getyourwordsout goal is 120 days, which I have made both in 2021 and 2022 (in 2022 almost by the skin of my teeth, it happened because I wrote every day in both September and November). I don't think I'm ready to jump up to 180 days, and I didn't make it even to 75k words last year, so I'm setting my official goal at 120 and my unofficial goal at 156 (which is 13 days per month). - Edit and publish the Stargate SG1 fic from July of last year
- Finish, edit, and publish the Miss Fisher Whumptober fic that fell off the wagon because of Tag Debacle
- Go back to the two longfics planned for Dragon Age (no specific timeline for finishing or posting, just...to actually do something with them again)
- Write some flashfic (for the writing server I'm in or for comms on DW)
Reading
- Read 90 books! (We're off to a good start, and Storygraph is excellent).
- Read 18,000 pages
- Read some longfic
- Use TBR and Marked for Later more, so I don't have eight bazillion tabs open all the time
Religious/Spiritual
- Be more intentional about davening again
- Read the weekly parasha at least once a month
Other
- Work to get my sleep schedule back to a semblance of its natural morning-person clock so I'm not exhausted half the time and fidgety and uncomfortable on weekends because I didn't get out of bed early enough
- Get up early enough to get dressed and eat breakfast before work at least once a week
- Do physical therapy exercises at least once a week
- Set aside some time (hopefully weekly) to dedicate to learning something new
Some of these are more amorphous than others, but I think I need that right now - I need to remember both that it's good to have specific, trackable goals, and that it's okay to have a vague idea I want to work towards. To those ends:
January Goals
Writing
- Write 13 days
- Edit and post Stargate fic
- Write one piece of flashfic
Reading
- Read 8 books
- Read 1,500 pages
- Start 1 longfic
- Add all currently-open media tabs to the Saved list they belong on
Religious/Spiritual
- Read Parashat Shemot, because we're starting Exodus and it's a good place to start again
Other
- Go to bed on a weekend night before 11 and get out of bed by 9 at least once
- Get dressed and eat breakfast before work at least twice
- Physical therapy exercises at least once a week (not counting PT sessions)
- Make some dang Hebrew flashcards
That...looks and feels like a lot, but I've already started on a lot of it! Basically everything that's listed for January is something I've already done before, have already started, or am confident in my ability to do (but not to the point that it's not something that'll challenge me).
Here I come, 2023!
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I think this was total reread number 2, reread number 3 for some of the books (possibly only first reread of Shatterglass?). And they are just as comforting and home and feel like they live in my soul as they were the first time around.
I came to Tamora Pierce books as an adult, somehow - I was that kid who had a different book on her desk every day in school (other kids commented on it) and I volunteered in the school library in high school, but I still...never read any of her books. I think I started with the Protector of the Small quartet sometime in college, and read some of the other Tortall books - I liked them well enough and was glad I had read them, for the most part, but they didn't Stick With Me the way some books do.
And then I read the Emelan books, and I was hooked. I loved the kids so much, and loved how much the adults cared about them, and how even though there's the typical "kids doing wildly mature things because it's kids' fiction" stuff, the adults aren't incompetent - they're incredible too, and the kids just don't fit into everyone's preconceived notions of the world, and their grown-ups lean into that!!
For some reason I got through Cold Fire and stopped (possibly because that's an intense book, and the fact that Daja has more of a personal relationship with Ben makes it so much more intense). I don't know how long it took me to pick up the series again (long enough to have forgotten that I owned the ebooks of the original four books and go check them out from the library, lol, and I believe that series of checkouts was right at the beginning of lockdown in 2020), and the books just...took root in my heart.
I love Lark and Rosethorn even more than I did the first time around, and I love these children dearly, and The Will of the Empress is definitely one of my favorite books. I want to read and write fic, I want to hug my books, I want the map of Emelan up on my wall.
Lives in my soul.
I came to Tamora Pierce books as an adult, somehow - I was that kid who had a different book on her desk every day in school (other kids commented on it) and I volunteered in the school library in high school, but I still...never read any of her books. I think I started with the Protector of the Small quartet sometime in college, and read some of the other Tortall books - I liked them well enough and was glad I had read them, for the most part, but they didn't Stick With Me the way some books do.
And then I read the Emelan books, and I was hooked. I loved the kids so much, and loved how much the adults cared about them, and how even though there's the typical "kids doing wildly mature things because it's kids' fiction" stuff, the adults aren't incompetent - they're incredible too, and the kids just don't fit into everyone's preconceived notions of the world, and their grown-ups lean into that!!
For some reason I got through Cold Fire and stopped (possibly because that's an intense book, and the fact that Daja has more of a personal relationship with Ben makes it so much more intense). I don't know how long it took me to pick up the series again (long enough to have forgotten that I owned the ebooks of the original four books and go check them out from the library, lol, and I believe that series of checkouts was right at the beginning of lockdown in 2020), and the books just...took root in my heart.
I love Lark and Rosethorn even more than I did the first time around, and I love these children dearly, and The Will of the Empress is definitely one of my favorite books. I want to read and write fic, I want to hug my books, I want the map of Emelan up on my wall.
Lives in my soul.
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I had a really crappy day on Saturday, for no apparent reason. Of course bad days just happen sometimes, but I really hate when they happen on Shabbat and I hate when they pop up without warning, so it was just all around really frustrating.
In the evening, I happened to watch a video from one of my favorite youtubers (Jessica Kellgren-Fozard) about how she and her wife are parenting their newborn son according to the Montessori model. For them, this means treating him with respect like you would any other person, physically restraining him as little as possible, and providing a lot of self-directed physical stimulation to help him learn about the world (alongside things like trying to keep a clean and uncluttered house so as not to overwhelm him).
And for some reason, this just really resonated with me and how crappy I was feeling that day.
( Read more... )
So. This week has been better so far and I'm so glad.
In the evening, I happened to watch a video from one of my favorite youtubers (Jessica Kellgren-Fozard) about how she and her wife are parenting their newborn son according to the Montessori model. For them, this means treating him with respect like you would any other person, physically restraining him as little as possible, and providing a lot of self-directed physical stimulation to help him learn about the world (alongside things like trying to keep a clean and uncluttered house so as not to overwhelm him).
And for some reason, this just really resonated with me and how crappy I was feeling that day.
( Read more... )
So. This week has been better so far and I'm so glad.
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Tonight begins Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year. It's the birthday of the world! And it begins the Days of Awe/Repentance, a time for self-reflection, repentance, all those good things ("cheshbon hanefesh" means "an account of the soul").
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May 5782 be better for us all than 5781 was.
L'shana tovah u'metukah! (For a good and sweet year!)
( Read more... )
May 5782 be better for us all than 5781 was.
L'shana tovah u'metukah! (For a good and sweet year!)
sideways posted NPR's list of Top 50 Science Fiction/Fantasy Books, and seeing as I'd like to get using Dreamwidth again, I figured I'd post my own experiences with it.Complete read - 5
Read at least one book - 2
Worlds To Get Lost In
- The Imperial Radch Trilogy by Ann Leckie
- The Dead Djinn Universe (series) by P. Djélì Clarke
- The Age of Madness Trilogy by Joe Abercrombie
- The Green Bone Saga by Fonda Lee
-
- The Daevabad Trilogy by S.A. Chakraborty
- Teixcalaan (series) by Arkady Martine
- The Thessaly Trilogy by Jo Walton
- Shades of Magic Trilogy by V.E. Schwab
- The Divine Cities Trilogy by Robert Jackson Bennett
- The Wormwood Trilogy by Tade Thompson
Words To Get Lost In
- Piranesi by Susanna Clarke
- Circe by Madeline Miller
- Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia
- The Paper Menagerie And Other Stories by Ken Liu
- Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik
- Exhalation: Stories by Ted Chiang
- Olondria (series) by Sofia Samatar
- Her Body And Other Parties: Stories by Carmen Maria Machado
- The Buried Giant by Kazuo Ishiguro
- Radiance by Catherynne M. Valente
Will Take You On A Journey
- The Changeling by Victor Lavalle
- Wayfarers (series) by Becky Chambers
-
- Lady Astronaut (series) by Mary Robinette Kowal
- Children of Time (duology) by Adrian Tchaikovsky
- Wayward Children (series) by Seanan McGuire
- The Space Between Worlds by Micaiah Johnson
Will Mess With Your Head
- Black Leopard, Red Wolf by Marlon James
- Southern Reach (series) by Jeff Vandermeer
- The Echo Wife by Sarah Gailey
-
- Remembrance of Earth's Past (series) by Cixin Liu
- Machineries of Empire (series) by Yoon Ha Lee
Will Mess With Your Heart
- The Broken Earth (series) by N.K. Jemisin
- Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel
- This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone
- The Poppy War Trilogy by R.F. Kuang
- The Masquerade (series) by Seth Dickinson
- An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon
- The Bird King by G. Willow Wilson
- American War by Omar El Akkad
- Riot Baby by Tochi Onyebuchi
- On Fragile Waves by E. Lily Yu
Will Make You Feel Good
- The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison
- Murderbot (series) by Martha Wells
-
- The Martian by Andy Weir
- Sorcerer to the Crown/The True Queen by Zen Cho
A smaller number than I would have expected hearing the title of the list, but about what I expected after having read
sideways's list!There are three series on here where I started a book but have not finished it, and kiiiiind of intend to read more? The Broken Earth series by N.K. Jemison, The Imperial Radch Trilogy by Ann Leckie, and the Lady Astronaut series by Mary Robinette Kowal (which I marked as having read at least one book, because I think I got the farthest in that one and also own it, so there's a likelier chance of me continuing). I didn't mark the other two because they're kind of in a middle space between two of the options I had to mark, and it's not as certain if I'll continue them.
I'm delighted that Wayfarers is on this list! Series of my heart. I've already read The Galaxy, and the Ground Within three times this year, and it...might be time for another.
There's a number of books on this list that I haven't heard of! And another number that I've heard of but haven't read. Might use this as a personal recommendations list as I try to find more books to read.
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I joined the GYWO challenge for this year! I'm choosing a habit pledge, and the lightest one at 120 days of writing this year. I definitely think I can do that, but I don't really want to push myself too far the first year I try this, especially not when I'm also dealing with the hand/wrist pain that sometimes prevents me from writing.
I have lots of ideas for oneshots, a few ideas for longer fics, and a few original stories floating around! I'd really like to sit down and be a little more consistent with my worldbuilding efforts this year as well, so I'm glad that sort of work is also counted for GYWO.
Is anyone else trying GYWO? What did you pledge for?
I have lots of ideas for oneshots, a few ideas for longer fics, and a few original stories floating around! I'd really like to sit down and be a little more consistent with my worldbuilding efforts this year as well, so I'm glad that sort of work is also counted for GYWO.
Is anyone else trying GYWO? What did you pledge for?
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Mass Effect. Rory Stern, a civilian contractor on the Normandy, has her physical examination from Dr. Chakwas. The doctor takes one look at her chronic pain and gives her the first answers she’s had in seven years.
G, 2100 words. Also on AO3.
A fictionalized account of my own getting diagnosed with hypermobility spectrum disorder/HSD.
Rory steps through the airlock, breathing in the familiar recycled air of the Normandy’s CIC. It hasn’t been long since she’s been on the ship - she was here just last week, doing the final pre-shakedown calibration of the drive core’s integration with the cooling system - but she wasn’t carrying a duffle bag then. And there were people at various stations around the CIC, but not like this. A lot more swearing at code, then, compared to the current introductions and shouts to old friends and salutes. Not everyone who’s going to be on the shakedown cruise is on the ship now, either, but it’s certainly got a different feel than it did with a bunch of nerds in coke-bottle glasses just like hers.
Those glasses slide down her nose a bit, and she smiles. Okay, everyone else’s weren’t bright blue, but still.
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My joints have such varying ranges of hypermobility and it's weird. I think the bottom (proximal, I think) joints of my fingers bend back farther than "average," but definitely not as far as some hypermobile people's do. The middle joints seem mildly hypermobile, and then the top joints of my index and pinkie fingers go back far enough that I think I'm hyperextending my pinkies when I type...but my middle and ring fingers' top joints don't seem hypermobile at all.
I keep learning new weird things about myself. I used to be able to touch my nose to my knees when doing the stretch where you sit on the floor with one leg out, but I can't remember if I could do it with both legs out. I think maybe other girls in gym classes in middle school could do that, so I thought you were supposed to be able to? But I guess they were probably dancers or gymnasts or something.
If my right hip/pelvis/whatever could figure out what its deal is so I stop feeling so misaligned and uncomfortable, that would be great.
(Also found out my rabbi has HSD too, which is bananas.)
I keep learning new weird things about myself. I used to be able to touch my nose to my knees when doing the stretch where you sit on the floor with one leg out, but I can't remember if I could do it with both legs out. I think maybe other girls in gym classes in middle school could do that, so I thought you were supposed to be able to? But I guess they were probably dancers or gymnasts or something.
If my right hip/pelvis/whatever could figure out what its deal is so I stop feeling so misaligned and uncomfortable, that would be great.
(Also found out my rabbi has HSD too, which is bananas.)
Two weeks ago, I had a video visit with a rheumatologist, because my physical medicine doctor was trying to get to the bottom of my chronic pain and a test result had come back as positive that can come back as positive in autoimmune disorders like lupus and rheumatoid arthritis (it can also come back positive for no reason, but mine is very high, apparently, so they wanted to check).
The rheumatologist is like "so I doubt you have an autoimmune condition, seeing as your primary symptom is joint pain. However, can you do these stretches/hand movements for me," I do them, and she smiles.
"You're double-jointed. You're hypermobile."
Cue me shrieking.
( under a cut because it's just rambly )
The rheumatologist is like "so I doubt you have an autoimmune condition, seeing as your primary symptom is joint pain. However, can you do these stretches/hand movements for me," I do them, and she smiles.
"You're double-jointed. You're hypermobile."
Cue me shrieking.
( under a cut because it's just rambly )
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I’m posting this here and unlocked because I need to get it out in the world but want it behind a cut, which I can’t reliably do on tumblr on mobile. So, uh. Here’s some thoughts about family and being the rainbow sheep of the family and not trusting my extended family. And some thoughts about my father, who is not a good person.
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I just woke up from a really, unnecessarily scary dream, on a morning when I have the day off and could’ve slept in a little. I don’t really know why I’m posting it here, other than to get the concept of “I had a scary dream” out of my head.
I seem to have lots of vivid dreams that freak me out when I’m struggling mentally. I had an unrelated one recently that just makes me feel disgusting and gross and I don’t know how to get it out of my head, because everything I’m trying feels like it’s cementing it deeper. Hopefully it’ll just disappear soon once the incident is further away and/or I’m not having different, weird dreams to reinforce the memory.
Brains are weird.
I seem to have lots of vivid dreams that freak me out when I’m struggling mentally. I had an unrelated one recently that just makes me feel disgusting and gross and I don’t know how to get it out of my head, because everything I’m trying feels like it’s cementing it deeper. Hopefully it’ll just disappear soon once the incident is further away and/or I’m not having different, weird dreams to reinforce the memory.
Brains are weird.
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I’ve been struggling a lot recently with what feels like a childish revelation - that so many people enjoy being cruel to one another. It’s not like this is a new revelation. I’ve known this for a long time. But I am struggling with it right now.
And I also feel bad that the thing that really this discomfort/struggle to a head was a tweet asking people not to make fun of picky eaters, and a bunch of the replies saying “no, grow up.” I know that in the grand scheme of things, or even in the scheme of this week, this is such a small thing. But maybe that’s why it’s hitting me so hard? Because it’s coming against a backdrop of so much cruelty, and it’s personally relevant at literally every waking moment because there is always someone ready to comment on the way I eat, and and and.
It’s something I understand viscerally without having to see it on the news, on twitter, wherever. Obviously “don’t kill someone” also is, but the specifics are things I don’t know without more context. “Don’t be cruel to someone for the fact that their body sees food differently than yours” is, to me, such an obvious and simple thing that I can’t fathom how many people don’t have it in their mental deck.
The world doesn’t have to be so cruel. Why do people want power? Why does anyone want to have any power to hurt someone else? I literally had a conversation yesterday that came down to “you [meaning me] don’t want power, and that’s delightful and refreshing.”
We all have the capacity to do bad things, to hurt other people, to be cruel. There’s no such thing as a good or a bad person, only good or bad actions. And right now, I’m really struggling with the knowledge that so many people choose cruelty, of whatever sort.
I’ve been feeling really broken, childish, useless. Because I’m not very ambitious. I like calm, comfortable, safe things. I like to learn, but for the sake of learning, not to be better. I have overwhelming emotions and outbursts that can look like tantrums from the outside. But...I desperately don’t want to hurt people. I fail, sometimes. But I can’t imagine wanting to.
And I also feel bad that the thing that really this discomfort/struggle to a head was a tweet asking people not to make fun of picky eaters, and a bunch of the replies saying “no, grow up.” I know that in the grand scheme of things, or even in the scheme of this week, this is such a small thing. But maybe that’s why it’s hitting me so hard? Because it’s coming against a backdrop of so much cruelty, and it’s personally relevant at literally every waking moment because there is always someone ready to comment on the way I eat, and and and.
It’s something I understand viscerally without having to see it on the news, on twitter, wherever. Obviously “don’t kill someone” also is, but the specifics are things I don’t know without more context. “Don’t be cruel to someone for the fact that their body sees food differently than yours” is, to me, such an obvious and simple thing that I can’t fathom how many people don’t have it in their mental deck.
The world doesn’t have to be so cruel. Why do people want power? Why does anyone want to have any power to hurt someone else? I literally had a conversation yesterday that came down to “you [meaning me] don’t want power, and that’s delightful and refreshing.”
We all have the capacity to do bad things, to hurt other people, to be cruel. There’s no such thing as a good or a bad person, only good or bad actions. And right now, I’m really struggling with the knowledge that so many people choose cruelty, of whatever sort.
I’ve been feeling really broken, childish, useless. Because I’m not very ambitious. I like calm, comfortable, safe things. I like to learn, but for the sake of learning, not to be better. I have overwhelming emotions and outbursts that can look like tantrums from the outside. But...I desperately don’t want to hurt people. I fail, sometimes. But I can’t imagine wanting to.
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